Tamari Jacob is a powerhouse. Living locally in Bergen County, she is the main source for helping moms as they navigate their feeding journeys, specifically those looking to exclusively pump. Tamari started an Instagram account (@onewiththepump) after encountering her own nursing struggles—despite all she had hoped, planned, dreamed and expected. Her goal was to describe her journey after finding no one out there who could help fellow moms looking to exclusively pump. Now with a following of over 75,000 individuals—Jewish and non-Jewish—Tamari is a leader in providing necessary education—and doing so with kindness, humor and flair.
I began following Tamari on social media after giving birth to my second child, and a recent reel she created led me to reach out to her, to express my interest in featuring her in a piece. It was a Saturday night and I was scrolling Instagram in that post-Shabbat haze, having just meal-prepped for the week, and being extremely exhausted—but also not quite ready to go to bed.
Tamari posted a question she received from a follower about whether or not to buy lactation cookies or brownies and whether they work. Tamari wrote the following:
“You see this post with this massively full bottle right next to a brownie, you’re desperate, up in the middle of the night—your baby is crying, you are crying, and you don’t have enough milk, or your baby won’t latch. You are going to be a failure if you can’t give this breast milk to your baby … and then just like anything this magical brownie comes upon your feed, so what do you think? You think if I just eat this brownie that’s all that I have to do.
“Not even thinking about the main factors that may be causing you to have trouble with your supply like your flange, your pump, your schedule … you don’t even think about that because you need to eat the brownie and if you eat the brownie all the problems will be solved.”
She then went on to say: “You will never see me promoting a supplement on here because if I promote a supplement then a mama’s going to think that she eats a brownie and her life is changed and it’s not. Invest in yourself, get some real education.”
First and foremost, this is helpful information. As women we are inundated—especially on social media—with products that promise to help us reach our goals, and we hear old wives’ tales about what to do, or we hear from a friend what worked best. And so to have an expert lactation counselor who has helped so many women specifically give guidance not to give in to the marketing felt extremely empowering.
I immediately replied to Tamari’s post: “This is what I want to scream when people see diet ads. They don’t work!!! Invest in learning about your relationship to your body!”
Because I’m nothing if not consistent.
People want to believe that there will be a magical “fix” to an issue that can cause emotional and physical distress. There is a hope that if I find a special brownie or diet powder then I will no longer feel like a failure and can be viewed as successful or know that I’m doing something “right.” Now, as my mother says, let’s not pick apart the mashal (analogy). There are differences between dieting and the feeding journey for a baby, I’m well aware. But the gist of the matter—this hope for a magical product that will take away the exhaustion and anxiety and identity crisis—feels the same.
Relying on a product or a diet provides such a sense of hope. “I have a plan, now it will all get better.” When in reality, as Tamari notes, our journeys require investing in our relationships with ourselves: pursuing education and understanding, whether about lactation or body image. We are complex human beings impacted by our pasts, our emotions, our ingrained thought patterns and belief systems. When a new mom or a mom with a young baby is trying to feed her child, there is of course a main concern about her baby’s nourishment. But there can also be messages she has internalized about success as a mom or her identity as a mother that are called into question when she believed the process would be simple.
It is easy—especially as women carrying the load of multiple identities—to be made to feel like a failure, whether this is about expectations of how we feed, look, perform at work or balance the pressure of “doing it all.” And as Tamari notes, the healing typically requires learning and unlearning; we must reset our expectations, question where pressures may come from, return to core values and recognize what will actually provide a sense of self and worth.
The lactation brownie is not going to fix an issue. And neither will a diet. These advertised-as-magical cures do not help you dive into a greater understanding of your holistic self. And—as I always tell clients—they will not “fix” the problem, because not only do they not work (according to research!) but also because you are not broken.
Prioritizing our mental well-being, taking care of ourselves and challenging societal pressures seem to be at the heart of my common goals with Tamari. My hope is that we can continue to educate and support so that new moms, veteran moms, women, and really all individuals in general can be more confident and comfortable in who they are and the various roles they play.
To learn more about Tamari Jacob and the classes and sessions she provides, visit www.onewiththepump.com and follow her on Instagram @onewiththepump for her amazing content!
Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Temimah is an adjunct professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work, an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness, and a Metro-New York consultant at Monte Nido. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.
