As a teacher, there have been many occasions where I witnessed certain behaviors from students that may have been out of character. Whether it was at a parent-teacher conference or a discussion over the phone, I was informed of something that was going on in that child’s life that put into perspective why the student was behaving the way they did. Maybe their parents just told them that they are getting a divorce, or the child got rejected from the college they have been dreaming of attending for years. Whatever the reason, it helped me understand why they were behaving a certain way. With a certain context came a natural empathy from my end that changed the relationship.
Now imagine the reverse. A parent seeing a child at home behave a certain way. A typical teenage boy may not share all that goes on in school, and when asked how things are going, the most a parent will get is, “It’s fine.” A teenage girl may not share the challenge of hanging out with friends who have different religious standards, and she feels like an outcast with them.
A parent can be blinded to the challenges that teenagers face. They are out of the house for more waking hours than they are in the house throughout a given week. Most schools and parents correspond about academic performance in the classroom, but there is not much communication about religious challenges that a child experiences.
As a teacher and mashgiach ruchani at the Rae Kushner Yeshiva High School in Livingston for just over a decade, I have taught and had one-on-one meetings with hundreds of boys and girls. Through the online parenting series “Inside the Teenage Mind” I aim to help parents understand religious challenges teenagers go through, and to understand certain teenage issues through a religious prism. I want to give parents a window into their children’s lives aside from the “I’m fine” that they may be told.
As children develop and become independent thinkers, their views and behaviors may veer from that of their parents. They may struggle with concepts that they never questioned when they were younger. Understanding religious growth in teens, the struggles and triumphs they face, will equip parents to deepen not just their understanding of their child, but will deepen their relationship with their child.
Of course, no two communities, schools, families or children are the same. Even within a given school, there is a wide range of religious observance. Not every topic will be 100% relevant to every parent listening, but every parent will be able to glean value from practically every lesson.
Over the next few months, some topics I will be exploring are: social circles, instant gratification, challenges in emunah, grades for Torah classes, challenges in learning, and what teens want to learn. The series just launched this past Monday, and the first lesson is entitled “A Heart of Stone,” where I explore religious maturity in teenagers. Each lesson is 15 minutes long, and you can access the first lesson here: https://genaleph.org/courses/inside-the-teenage-mind/. If you would like to be added to an email list to be notified when a new episode is released, email [email protected].
“Inside the Teenage Mind” is a parenting course at GenAleph, The Orthodox Union’s parenting initiative. GenAleph is run by Rabbi Phil Karesh and Rabbi Yair Menchel, and it offers a parenting podcast (“The Jews Next Dor”) with a new topic each month featuring weekly episodes on that topic, run by Rabbi Menchel, as well as parenting courses, parenting articles and so much more. You can see all the amazing things they have to offer at www.genaleph.org.
Rabbi David Schlusselberg is a teacher and the mashgiach ruchani at the Rae Kushner Yeshiva High School in Livingston.
