I like to pay attention to styles when attending some type of event with a public speaker. You see, there are two types of people in the world: the people who prepare ahead, and those who run with it, making decisions or acting in the moment. The people who prepare cue cards and meticulously plan out a speech in advance—practicing and editing, and then those who simply get up and go—sharing what comes to mind. Of course there can be individuals who fall somewhere in between, perhaps preparing bullet-points or doing some prep work, as people know what feels right to them.

It is important that we each reflect on what helps reinforce our confidence and not make decisions based on anyone else. If I tried to write out a script when speaking at an event I would actually feel more insecure; I would likely fumble or stutter, rather than being able to address the audience in a fully-present manner. And I also have friends and colleagues who could never get up in front of a crowd without their thoughts put on paper, as otherwise they would feel insecure, struggling to address the audience. I am not more “right” in my approach and neither are they; it is about what makes the most sense individually.

And yet, sometimes in life it is important that we all take a moment to actually prepare. Preparation need not mean over-planning, it can simply mean that there is a value in recognizing the task or experience at hand, and going into it with intention. Think about a job interview: you may not feel that you would benefit from researching classic questions or rehearsing answers, but you likely would take the time to pick out an outfit, get your resume ready or review the information that you have about the job, as a means of being mindful of what is to come.

We live in a world that does not typically take a moment; we are extremely fast-paced and struggle with holding attention—one of the impacts of social media. We live in a somewhat mindless manner, focusing on a means to an end, rather than learning or benefiting from the journey. In recent the weeks’ Torah portions we learned about practices the Kohen Gadol took as a means of preparing himself for his role; washing his hands and feet, wearing the adornment of bells to mark his entry into the Mishkan—practices that were meant to enforce his recognition of the holy job he had and to allow himself to enter into the appropriate mindset. And I believe we would all benefit from our own little pomegranate and bell adornments as well.

Imagine if each time we sat down with our children, entered a classroom, walked into the sanctuary at shul, we had a reminder of the opportunity before us. This does not mean each life experience needs to be as deep as the next, but it would allow for much greater meaning and connection if we actually paid attention to how we lived, prepared mentally and emotionally, and recognized the incredible experiences and possibilities. It may not always be possible to prepare or to do so in a way that will yield the most mindfulness, but I believe we could all do just a bit better, at being present in our lives.

This does not mean that those of us who thrive in spur-of-the-moment decisions need to alter how we approach life. Rather, taking a second to breathe before getting up to speak or walking into an interview would suffice. Reflect on what comes next, any intentions, and how to engage with the experience so that life does not fly by as a series of events floating above us. Instead, we can take the time to really interact with our own lives whether through preparation, a moment of gratitude, or simply take stock of what you’re doing in the moment.

I always encourage clients to keep a list of notes from the week—of what they might want to bring into therapy. Sometimes we sit for a moment in silence so that the client can reflect on what s/he is feeling/coming in with, creating space to be intentional.

Whether it’s through a physical practice like the Kohen Gadol, public speaking or an emotional intention, we can all benefit from pausing or preparing for the moments in our lives so that we actually feel like we are living. So think about the times you may feel least connected, or know that you need to slow down. Identify a “ritual” or way you can pause. Reset your mind to slow down and notice the life around you. Because once you do, you’ll find that you’re much of an active participant in your own life.

Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.