Excerpting: “From Hire to Higher” by Libby Fisher. Feldheim Publishers. 2022. English. Paperback. 200 pages. ISBN-13: 978-1680259162.
“From Hire to Higher” presents solutions to common workplace challenges, such as work-life balance, setting appropriate boundaries between male and female colleagues, learning to be assertive, maintaining integrity, and burnout. Approaches presented are supremely relevant and practical. Readers will gain tools and strategies on how to be one’s best self in the workplace, the home front, and the eyes of Hashem.
Section One: Your Best Professional Self
Chapter 1: Maintaining Integrity
At another time, I was newly hired and eager to prove my capabilities. But due to a lull in operations, there wasn’t much for me to do. I therefore eagerly accepted the task of replacing my Polish-born manager’s birth certificate. It took months of dogged persistence, but I finally succeeded in obtaining the coveted document. He congratulated me for succeeding at this undertaking, for many others had attempted it but failed.
Deflecting the credit, I emphasized that the manager’s Polish-speaking friend had been instrumental in enabling me to get past the language barrier. “Perhaps we should send him a gift,” I suggested.
My manager asked me to re-gift a crate of wine he had just received and forward it to his friend. “Isn’t your friend Jewish?” I asked. When he answered in the affirmative, I told him that we could not send a Jewish man non-kosher wine. My manager retorted, “Don’t worry, he drinks such wine. Anyway, he’s not so religious.”
While I was proud of myself for speaking up about the kashrus issue, my manager was surprised that I asserted myself, especially since there were other people in the room. I was disappointed by his response and his nonchalant attitude towards Jewish law.
Now I needed to ask my rabbi whether or not I was permitted to pack and ship the non-kosher wine to a Jew. When the rabbi said I was not, I was in a quandary. As a new hire, I was naturally apprehensive about repercussions if I refused to do my manager’s bidding. My husband goaded me. “Who are you really afraid of, God or your manager?” he said. I put on a brave front, even though inside I felt shaky and uncertain.
In order to boost my courage, I told myself that my manager was nothing more than a man of clay, a person who had only temporary authority due to his investments and dollars. Ultimately, jobs come and go, but our souls are eternal, and I preferred mine to remain unsullied for all time.
I decided to email my refusal to send the wine to the manager. Writing it would allow me to control my tone and language. I didn’t want my attitude to be misinterpreted, nor did I want to sound preachy or apologetic.
Three days later my manager, who had never set foot into my work area, appeared at my desk. He informed me that the gift dilemma had been a topic of conversation at his Shabbos table with his family and guests, and everyone present had agreed with me. He had come to support my decision.
Relieved, I told him how hard it had been for me to follow through with the rabbi’s halachic decision, since I had really wanted to help him. My manager told me that he felt obliged to let me know that he realized how upright my decision had been. A short time later I was promoted to controller. To my mind, he saw my fortitude and integrity as signs that I was worthy of his trust. I was again reminded of how frequently I underestimate the impact I make when I set the right example, and how closely others are watching me.
Section Two: The Crucial Importance of Boundaries
Chapter 7: Emotional Infidelity and Vulnerability
When women become attracted to male co-workers, they generally fantasize about them. This typically comes from a place of emotional desperation and loneliness. If he is good-looking, she imagines he’s probably kindhearted as well. If has money, she imagines he’s generous. The superficial image provokes illusions and fantasies in her mind and heart, illusions that correspond to her own needs and lacks.
Rabbi Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg writes in Heart to Heart Talks that although we seem to know what is forbidden and what is permitted, we manage to sin anyway. This is because physical lust is the product of fantasy. We’re lured by the imagined promise of enormous gratification, even though the reality could very well turn out to be sordid, disappointing, and destructive.
When Yael began feeling attracted to a coworker, she made an effort to focus on his failings: his unstylish clothing, his big ears. Her imagination enabled her to shrink him down to size, thus disconnecting emotionally more easily. At the time she also shared with me that she was pregnant. I validated her work concerns and applauded her courage in setting limits, but warned her that pregnancy might make her even more vulnerable. She probably has less stamina and feels awash in hormones. I told her that her self-control is a merit for the healthy development of her unborn child and the successful outcome of her impending birth.
The bottom line is that we need to build walls around our marriages and home life. As Miriam Kosman notes in Circle, Arrow, Spiral, “Mature love between man and woman requires exclusivity–and in the world of disparity that we live in, that exclusivity needs to be wrapped in cotton and placed in a greenhouse. If we don’t protect it, we won’t have it.”
How do we accomplish this on a practical level? Rabbi Aharon Lopiansky tells us in Ben Torah for Life, “A man may never engage in a deep discussion with a member of the opposite gender other than his wife, even if motivated purely by compassion, for the risk of an emotional bond developing is too great.” We must therefore be proactive and remain aware that sharing personal information with opposite-gender coworkers must be done judiciously. The unguarded sharing of insights, experiences and jokes strengthens connectedness and moves a business relationship into the personal realm. The workplace should not be a venue for ongoing emotional expression or psychological support for personal issues.
Since sharing and connecting is so much a natural part of women’s psychological makeup, a woman needs considerable discipline and maturity to carry this out. Often, if a woman does not put thought into the content and tone of what she is saying, she will later find her peace of mind disturbed by the personal revelations she allowed herself to share. Many women find the less they share with work colleagues about their personal lives, religious practices, and insights, the easier it is for them in the long run. Minimal sharing is necessary, but the more we limit sharing of personal information, the more mystique our lives acquire.
“From Hire to Higher” is available on Amazon.
Student feedback from Yisroel K., pre-med Landers College:
Regarding the book, I was most impressed by the writing style and the general message you conveyed so well regarding boundaries in the working world, staying true to yourself and your values. I do have to say that another highlight I recall from the reading of your book is that you remain open-minded and unafraid to address everything, no matter how taboo the topic is. It truly felt as though I was reading uncensored straightforward advice, which is rare and precious, and I am very grateful for this.
Libby Fisher, pseudonym, has been leading workplace workshops for women for over 30 years. She brings wisdom and practical advice from both Jewish and secular sources, and incorporates dozens of real-life examples and scenarios culled from her workshop participants and her own long experience in the work arena.
