We all own a tool that costs us nothing to use yet can improve our relationships with others, get people to like us and make even people who might otherwise be our enemies want to be our friends. That tool is sincere praise.
In this week’s Torah portion, Jacob faces a sticky encounter with his brother Esau. Esau is very angry with Jacob and has even threatened his life. But Jacob compliments and praises his brother when they meet, and they part with a big hug, at least for the time being at peace. By making the effort to sincerely praise and compliment the people in our lives, we transform bad relationships to good ones, and make good ones better.
In our story we get a first hand look at the power of praise.
The Real Winner
I’m used to having things my way. Maybe the fact that I’m a head taller, and 50 pounds heavier than anyone else in my class may have something to do with it. Let’s just say that I’ve gotten into my fair share of fights in my time, and I have never lost a single one.
Well that’s not exactly true. I did lose one fight and I’m embarrassed to admit it was to a kid less than half my size, and he didn’t even know karate.
It started out like any other regular day in the school cafeteria. I got there a little late, which was never a problem, since nobody minded if I stepped into the front of the line whenever I got there. (And even if he did, he couldn’t do anything about it.) This time I showed up with my buddy Sam, who I invited to join me at my ”special” place in line, when I felt a tap on the shoulder.
Of course I just ignored it, but then I felt it again. Was someone really dumb enough to try to start up with me?
Another tap, and I felt my face go red. I clenched my fists as I got ready to turn around and let that wise guy have it. I figured the kid was probably pretty big himself since he thought he stood a chance with me, but I wasn’t worried.
I felt another tap and I wheeled around fast to catch the guy off guard… but I didn’t see anybody there! All I saw were some kids a few feet back, who weren’t even paying any attention.
Then I felt another tap, but this time on my chest! I looked down. No wonder I hadn’t seen anybody, because standing behind me was a kid so short that I hadn’t even noticed him standing there!
But a fight was a fight, and I got ready for action. “Yeah, whadaya want?” I asked with a snarl.
The kid didn’t even look scared. “I just wanted to tell you,” he said, “that I wish I had a friend as good as you.”
The kid’s words took me by total surprise. “Huh? Good as me? What do you mean?”
“That’s right!” said the kid with a smile. “I could see from the way you walked in here and did whatever you could to help your friend get a good place in line that you really care about him. I wish I had a friend like that.”
I certainly didn’t expect a compliment and I had no idea what to say. Maybe this kid wasn’t so bad after all. “Gee, thanks,” I muttered.
But then he went on, “Yup, and I see you’re a helpful person who cares. Just the other day I saw you pushing the teacher’s car that was stuck in the snow.”
I didn’t know anybody had noticed. I felt my fists unclench, and I don’t know why, but I was really starting to like this kid.
“Yeah, having a friend like you would be worth its weight in gold!” he smiled, and I couldn’t help smiling with him.
“That would be one BIG pile of gold!” I added, laughing.
Meanwhile the line had almost reached the serving counter. That’s when he beat me because I took the kid gently by his little arm, and moved him ahead of both Sam, who couldn’t believe his eyes, and me.
“Guess what? From now on, I am your friend. If you ever need help, just ask me.”
So, like I said, that was the first time I ever lost a fight. And you know what, don’t tell anybody, but I think in a lot of ways that was the first “fight” I ever really won.
