In Parshat Vayeira this week, we read about a fascinating interaction between Avraham and Hashem. Undoubtedly, Hashem is our ultimate judge. And yet, Avraham—a mere human—unabashedly speaks up to Hashem on behalf of the people of Sodom. Hashem says, “How can I withhold from Avraham what I’m planning to do?” Once Avraham knows Hashem’s plans, he litigates, arguing that Hashem should save the city.
One might ask, why on earth did Avraham feel the need to defend such a depraved city? His family and nephew would be saved either way. As an educator, my question is different. What can we learn about the leadership qualities we want to instill in our youngsters so that they have the presence of mind and confidence to express themselves as Avraham did?
Certainly, we want to instill our children with strong middot. Avraham had an unwavering moral compass. Modeling good middot is intrinsic in a Jewish day school education. The other facet of leadership is equally intriguing as an educator. Avraham was not afraid to express his views. In fact, he felt compelled to do so. And rather than Hashem taking offense, as one might expect, He marvels at it. Indeed, it is due to Avraham’s outspoken nature that Hashem chooses Avraham to lead a nation, because he would not shy away from confidently instructing his children and family to follow in the path of righteousness.
Interestingly, this is not the only time the Torah encourages speaking up, particularly on behalf of the welfare of others. When Moshe emerges from his childhood home in Egypt and sees his brethren suffering, he speaks up and intervenes. He cannot stand by and tolerate the injustice of a man striking his fellow, or of a taskmaster beating a slave. Again, it is this type of leadership that is a harbinger of Moshe’s later role in leading the Jewish people out of Egypt. He and Aharon, like Avraham, also speak up to someone of great power, confronting Pharaoh to demand that the people leave their enslavement.
We see from the Torah that we should encourage advocacy, even advocating to those considered our superiors. Indeed, the Jewish model for education has always historically encouraged speaking up, favoring an interactive, debate model of learning. In my experiences, however, children do not typically feel comfortable speaking up to those who are older or senior or in public settings. Yet, Avraham and Moshe teach us that we must encourage this. We must therefore nurture this leadership quality in our youngsters so that they can emulate it as they grow.
Social science suggests that building a child’s confidence is the first step to building advocacy skills. Confidence is closely linked to a student’s willingness to take on challenges and persevere through difficulties. When students feel safe and comfortable in their surroundings, they become able to take risks and embrace mistakes. By encouraging and celebrating these small risks and errors, students learn that failure is not an end but an opportunity for growth. Their confidence swells. A growth mindset, which embraces the learning process rather than the correct answers, frees students from remaining quiet out of fear of imperfection. When students are engaged and motivated to learn, the benefits multiply exponentially. In these situations, even the shiest students can learn to speak confidently.
Moreover, students’ abilities to speak up expand when they believe that their voices matter. When a child has a thought, idea or question, that child should be encouraged and guided to share that thought independently. This is a skill that, like grammar or math, requires guidance throughout a child’s formative years. When we as educators (or parents) intervene too quickly or speak on a child’s behalf, we deprive that child of the practice opportunity and instead risk conveying to that child that their voice is too small to matter. We want to support, from an early age, the development of each individual’s voice, instilling the message that youthful contributions matter.
As their confidence grows, students should have repeated opportunities to speak for themselves. These can occur in the classroom: participating in class discussions, presenting in front of the class and leading davening. Ideally, the opportunities should also occur outside of the classroom, conveying to students that their voices are worth being heard more broadly. Confidence in speaking up can grow tremendously through hosting student-led assemblies, allowing students to serve as panelists at open houses and at public speaking events for invited guests.
One of the highest goals of education is to build our next generation of leaders. Encouraging students to find, and use, their voices needs to be a core aspect of an elementary and middle school experience. We want our children to become brave, confident speakers, able to advocate on behalf of themselves and others. After all, Avraham and Moshe teach us that this skill is integral to leadership.
Rabbi Dani Rockoff is the head of school at Westchester Day School.
