I am amazed at the number of people I have met, from those well into their 40s all the way to those in their 50s and way up, who do not own cemetery plots. The main “reason” I have heard is: “My husband or wife does not want to discuss it.” I can promise everyone that not discussing, preparing or thinking about something will not prevent it from happening.
We at an early age (probably late 30s) bought cemetery plots at Eretz HaChaim Cemetery in Beit Shemesh. We had never really considered the thought of dying so young until a very close friend died suddenly in Atlanta with many young children. Her husband told us that one day when that letter, which we all received regularly either from YU or the RCA about buying cemetery plots in Eretz Yisroel, arrived, his wife decided to do something about it. They were in an out-of-town community and realized that it was likely that their children would probably not settle there, and because they were involved in chinuch themselves, there was a good chance that they would not remain there, so they filled out the form and bought the plots.
We returned to Montreal and did the same. One day we told our children that we did own real estate in Israel and they were overwhelmed with giddiness, probably thinking about when they could make use of it. Upon realizing what type of real estate it was, they lost their enthusiasm quickly.
Fast forward many years and in a sense we were fortunate that my Mordechai and I were able to discuss his impending death together and decided that for our family it made no sense to be buried in Israel. None of our children are there. So far our grandchildren spend time learning there but return to finish their education and begin their lives here.
A great consideration for our family as well was the overwhelming cost of being buried there. Airfare for at least five people (with no time to check on DansDeals), preparing for and flying the beloved family member to Israel, the costs upon arriving there, etc., etc., etc., made us realize that this was something that we could not afford and that did not seem relevant to our family.
Do not think that dying in the State of New Jersey is inexpensive either. Just a few hours after my beloved passed away I received a telephone call from a man at Guterman and Musicant funeral home requesting my credit card number to pay for my husband’s funeral. The cost was $9,774, to be paid on the spot. Obviously this cost did not include the later expenses of cemetery fees, tombstone cost, etc.
What should be noted and is amazing is the compassion, kindness and overwhelming support of the chevra kadisha, which in our case was friends from Congregation Beth Abraham.
All of us are going to die sometime. We do not control when those times are but we do have an obligation to our family, especially our children, to not burden them with having to make these decisions. There is a certain beauty when two people whose lives have been intertwined for so many years are able to lovingly sit and discuss the overwhelming choice of where to be buried.
The when is never up to us. I hope that in some small way I have encouraged those of you who are still on the fence about making these major decisions to just get on with it.
Nina can be reached at [email protected].
