In Memory of Dr. Karen Weingarten, z”l.
When you go around your Thanksgiving table, chances are that no one will say: “I am thankful for having been born.” Not that we are not thankful about that, it’s just that we all take this for granted. Sometimes, however, you meet a person who makes you reflect upon the very fact of your existence. Such is the case with Yossi Cohen. Yossi and his Indian aide Sanjo are regulars at the park next to my son’s home in Herzliya. Yossi, 73, has a degenerative disease that, beginning in his early 30s, gradually wore down most of the muscles in his body. He had lived a regular life before then, marrying and having two children. Yossi has been in a wheelchair for many years now, with almost no mobility from the neck down.
From what Yossi has been able to determine, his disease can be traced back to the marriage of his maternal grandparents in Persia (Iran), who were first cousins. Yossi’s mother and an aunt had the disease, as well as three of Yossi’s four siblings (the disease seems to have stopped with Yossi’s generation, as neither his two daughters nor his four grandchildren have the disease). Yossi calls his situation “a sad story,” but he said: “On the one hand, I have this disease, but on the other hand, had my grandmother not married my grandfather, I wouldn’t be here—and I had a very good life up until the age of 30.”
I heard Yossi being thankful for his life, and because of that, he is thankful to his grandparents even though they transmitted a genetic disease. It was very poignant for me to hear Yossi and his story. I’m one of those people whose parents’ marriage was never good. Somehow I was always able to rue the fact of my parents’ marriage while at the same time taking my existence for granted. There is no escaping Yossi’s logic, though: If you appreciate your existence, then you have to be thankful to the people who brought you into this world (barring instances of coercion and violence). If anyone had cause to regret a marriage it would be Yossi for his grandparents’. But Yossi is thankful that they married because they bequeathed him his existence. Can I be thankful for my parents’ marriage? Well, if it is put that way, I simply cannot assent. But how about this: Can I be thankful to my father and to my mother for bringing me into existence? Yes, I can.
Endnote: Dr. Karen Weingarten, my first cousin and a loyal fan of this column (she wrote to me frequently) passed away on October 21 at the age of 67. Karen had been battling cancer for several years. Her condition had improved enough for her to travel to Israel in early September with her husband Sheldon for a ceremony marking their donation of a rapid response vehicle to Magen David Adom. Karen and I, however, did not manage to meet when she was here. After she returned, she emailed me: “Hopefully on my next visit we will get together.” Though it has to be said that I did not know about Karen’s illness when she was in Israel and that I only learned about it after her death (she was very private about this), and though we had a very pleasant conversation when I called her toward the end of September, dear reader, you will understand why the following two words are a lesson to be learned here: Carpe Diem.
