Having just returned from spending five days in Montreal leaves me on a great high. It reminds me of the life I used to have, where everywhere I went I met people who I knew or who had a relationship with my beloved Mordechai. In some instances it brought back memories of humorous things that only the two of us could have shared together.
Rabbis and their wives share a certain bond like no other. So many confidential thoughts and feelings are shared between them, so many things are for their eyes and ears only and, in even more cases, the rabbi is really the one confidant of his baalabatim, A funny aspect of being in the rabbinate is that even if you have not seen your congregants for 35 years they somehow assume you will always remember everything about them.
The following is an experience which I had last week while standing in the reception area of a lawyer’s office. I was waiting to be called in for my appointment when suddenly a man came out of one of the offices, took one look at me and said “Nina?” I immediately turned in his direction, answering in the affirmative, at which time he said, “It’s me, Moshe Chaim ben Rachamim Leb.” Forgive me, I am totally making up the name because I had no idea what he was talking about, nor did I know his English name, which he actually did not say. Again, he repeated himself. I answered and asked him if he could please tell me his name, at which point, after not seeing this person for at least 35 years I spouted, “Louis?” His reply, “I knew that you knew me, Moshe Chaim ben Rachamim Leb!” He came running over to hug his old rebbetzin, thrilled and elated to see me. Why in a million years would he even imagine that I would remember his Hebrew name? I then realized that maybe people think their rabbi and his wife are supposed to know their Hebrew names forever. I laughed the entire way to my next appointment. Yes, Louis, it was great to see you.
Has anyone ever thought that rabbis and their wives are people just like everyone else? They joke with each other, have romantic moments with each other and at times get annoyed at each other, just like every other couple. What most do not think about is that they need time alone with each other. Ask local rabbis if they enjoy going to a restaurant with their wives in the Teaneck area and I am sure that most will say they do, but they certainly do not do it to have peace and quiet with each other. As they are eating their soup, Tanya and Efraim notice them at the next table and feel the need to engage with them about the latest antics of their children. Maybe the rabbi could even suggest a good camp for the coming summer as their son is not athletic. Impossible for a rabbi and his wife to enjoy time alone locally. On the one hand it is a good feeling to realize you are known by so many and they are excited to see you, and you are generally happy to see them as well, but every once in a while it would be nice to be alone.
We thought exactly that when we took our first major trip the summer that our daughter Naama went to Camp HASC. We went to Europe and Israel and intentionally went to Lugano in Switzerland. One reason was that my uncle and aunt lived there, another was that it is very beautiful, and lastly was that it had a kosher hotel where we would absolutely not meet one person that we knew. Ah, that romantic time alone. As we were checking in at the desk of the hotel a man came running over and said, “Shalom Aleichem, Rabbi Glick, I never expected that I would see you in Lugano.” Believe it or not, neither did we expect to see him. He was a member of our shul in Montreal. Lesson learned—you cannot escape. It’s not just George Clooney and Amal who have paparazzi—it is even your local rabbi.
A bit of advice, while driving and noticing your rabbi and his wife taking a walk together, do not stop your car and ask them a shaila or feel the need to tell them that your son is not happy in his yeshiva; give them a chance to have some alone time. It could be their son is also not happy in yeshiva and they need to talk with each other. Do not think that your rav and his wife do not worry and have concerns about their own children similar to your concerns. They need their own private time without sharing it with others. I remember thinking at one time when we were faced with a crisis in our family: Who do we go to? Everyone generally comes to us!
The best is, “Shaindele, show the rabbi your new dress!” I know we are friends, but really?
Just a drop of humor during these horrendously trying times when our minds and hearts remain with our children, brothers and sisters in Israel. They are all a part of our family.
Nina Glick can be reached at [email protected].
