Many people (myself included) have written some version of “Ten facts to know about Israel/Hamas.” But there are a few problems with this. First, it makes one seem defensive. Second, the situation has become so skewed that sharing facts is easily dismissed as propaganda. Third, some of the claims coming out of the Palestinian narrative have become so outrageous that trying to go head-to-head with them is a lost cause.

So how can we constructively engage with people conflicted about the conflict? It is not recommended to engage with riled-up protesters, but it is important to have an articulate response when a coworker, classmate or perhaps even family member says, “But Israel is indiscriminately murdering thousands of civilians in Gaza!” Or, “Israel started this when they expelled them 75 years ago!”

Asking open-ended questions can often be a better way. One benefit is that it induces some reflective thinking from the other side. Second, it is less likely to escalate to inflammatory rhetoric than attempting to shout your claim over their counterclaim.

Often, people will not respond to what was said or asked, but just revert back to some slogan or parrot some unfounded claim about Israel’s war crimes. If one follows their lead and tries to answer that claim, it will lead down a rabbit hole and once again you’ll be on the defense against outrageously distorted claims regarding Israel. In the DBT school of behavioral therapy, a primary tool against gaslighting or attempts to dodge responsibility is to simply repeat one’s original statement/question. So if someone ignores your questions or does a “but what about?” tactic, simply validate that you heard them but repeat the original question. “I understand, but I asked…repeat question. What are your thoughts about that?”

Note: Brackets—[]—indicate an answer to the previous question.

1. If it’s true that people displaced from their homes during a war (a war the Palestinians/Arab states declared, no less) have a right of return via armed resistance, would you support Jews today indiscriminately killing Polish and German people living in the areas Jews lived in before the Holocaust? If not, what’s the difference?
2. Out of care for innocent civilians, Western and Arab nations have taken in millions of refugees displaced by various wars the past few decades. But do you wonder why no one has or will take in civilian refugees from Gaza? Well, Al Jazeera reports that Egypt, a Muslim Arab country, refuses to take in Gazan refugees because it is concerned they will establish a new base for terrorist operations. What does this tell us?
3. If Israel says they’ll stop the war immediately and withdraw all its soldiers, asking for nothing in return, does that sound like a dream come true? If yes, “Did you know they did exactly that in 2005?”
4. If they already knew about the 2005 Gush Katif withdrawal, “So if Israel giving over all of Gaza in return for nothing brought them terror attacks, can you please provide the logic in suggesting that giving over even more land will bring peace?”
5. Some of the prisoners Israel released in the hostage deal have attempted murder. If proportion is such a critical concept in war (it never was until Israel had an army), shouldn’t Hamas have agreed to a deal in which the hostage to prisoner ratio was 1:1 and only prisoners who were innocent of crime be released?
6. What is the definition of genocide? [“specific intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group”]? Who introduced the idea to international law [Raphael Lemkin]? If the answer is way off base or “not sure,” follow up with, “Would you be open to learning more about the actual Genocide Convention?”
7. Let’s say that tomorrow Israel allowed Arabs, including many Palestinians, to become 20% of its population (which is, of course, already the case), would it still be genocide? Let’s say even further, that Israel would encourage those Palestinians to democratically elect members of Israel’s government (again, already the case), would it still be a genocide? How so? Alternatively, if Hamas’ charter declares their goal is to wipe Israel off the map, is that genocide? If they say they will do October 7^th over and over again if given the chance, is that genocide?
8. What is apartheid? [Legally sanctioned racial segregation and discrimination]. Let’s say Israel had an Arab Supreme Court judge, Arab army commanders, or Arabs in positions of leadership at public hospitals, would that still be segregation and apartheid? How so?
9. How has Gaza’s population changed since 1948? [It’s increased by 3,000%]. Please explain how a 3,000% increase in population is ethnic cleansing. Do you know how the Jewish population has changed in Muslim-majority countries since 1948? [In all such countries—except Iran, ironically—it has decreased by 99%]. Doesn’t this sound like ethnic cleansing?
10. What gets you so passionate about this cause? Follow up their answer with, “So do I understand correctly that Muslims being murdered is a big part of it?” If they answer yes, “Interesting. Are you familiar with ISIS’ beheadings of Muslim Iraqis and Libyans? Or the ongoing murder of Yemenis? Syrians? Palestinian Syrians? Or the ongoing genocide of Uyghurs in China and Rohingya in Myanmar? Can you let me know what efforts you made to protest the millions of Muslims who were slaughtered by other nations the past fifteen years?

To quote former NBA star turned social activist Enes Kanter Freedom, a Muslim who himself supports a Palestinian state alongside Israel, “Where were you when ISIS was launched in the name of ‘Islam’, and beheaded tens of thousands of Arabs in Libya, Syria and Iraq? Or when Arab countries killed and starved out more than 400,000 Yemenis in the past decade? Why didn’t you take it to the streets, raise their flags, condemn the terror or call for a ceasefire?”

10. Did you know US intelligence has established that Hamas uses Palestinians as civilian shields and schools/hospitals as staging grounds for terror activities against other civilians? If yes, why do you not hold Hamas responsible for civilian deaths?
11. When chanting “From the River to the Sea,” which river are you referring to? [Jordan River] What was the partition plan of 1947 and how did Israel/Arabs respond? [It was a 2-state plan which the Arabs rejected, declaring war once the British Mandate expired] How many times has Israel offered or given land towards a Palestinian state during the 21^st century? [3 times—2000, 2005, 2008] If the answer to any of these questions are unknown, ask “Can we agree it would be worthwhile to learn more about the conflict’s history?”
12. Who was the Palestinian leader in 1948? [There was none, as there was no Palestinian nation] What evidence is there that Palestinians are the indigenous people of Israel/Palestine? [As for Israel, there is endless archaeological evidence of Jewish presence during the Temple era two millennia ago].

Chaim Goldberg has semicha from RIETS and is completing a graduate degree in child clinical psychology at Hebrew University. Living in Jerusalem, Israel, he has written for Jewish Action, aish.com, Jewish Press, YU Torah-to-Go and Intermountain Jewish News.