I cringe each time I hear news reports of the latest gems coming out of the mouth of our esteemed president of the United States.
Yesterday he called former President Biden and his colleagues “the scum who spent the last four years trying to destroy our country through warped radical left minds.” Today the pearls of wisdom coming out of his mouth called Mr. Biden “a decrepit corpse.” I am not sure that even if I read this in a comic book I would be able to take it lightly. I remind myself that we needed to vote for this man “because he is good for Israel” and hopefully the Jews. My worry is only that with such an irrational mind, his loyalties could switch at any time. Lots of time to daven on Shavuot and every day hoping that this will never happen.
Our president is obviously a majorly public figure and has the eyes and ears of the world following him. Our children, however, have the ability to suction into their brains the words they hear first in their own homes. I have cringed while visiting with neighbors and acquaintances upon hearing their methods of addressing each other. Yes, in our Torah-observant homes I have heard husbands and wives addressing each other in very inappropriate ways as the ears of their children soak it all up. There is nothing cute or funny when calling after someone and addressing him as an imbecile, stupid, or even more bothersome, referring to each other as big dopes, baboons, etc. How can anyone wonder why children who show total disrespect to their friends, their friends’ parents or their teachers should act any other way after observing each day what they see at home?
I am reminded when as a child I would have been punished had I used the words “stupid” or “dope,” and calling someone “a shmo” was practically treasonous. The problem in many cases today is that parents are not even aware that the use of some choice words that they hear from the mouths of their children are the same words that they as parents use to address each other.
It scares me as no one knows what the future will bring. Something as “old fashioned” as calling one’s parents’ friends by “Mr.” and “Mrs.” is no longer de rigueur. Today everyone is addressed by their first names. I still cringe when a little child addresses me as “Nina.” In no way am I high and mighty, but I do believe that at a very young age children have to be taught that there is a difference between their own friends and their parents’ friends or other adults.
Somehow it has not yet (at least I do not think so) affected the way we teach our children to address doctors, dentists, teachers, etc. It certainly would not be “cutesy” for a child to call the principal of his school by his first name nor any other adult that he knows. It has nothing to do with familiarity or closeness. I remember when some of my grandchildren attended a school where their uncle was principal. They would never have addressed him publicly as “uncle.” He was the rabbi in charge of the school and they were well aware of that. Funny, the phenomenon seems to be divided among communities. In the more “yeshivish” world, children call their parents’ friends by “Mr.” and “Mrs.” and there is no other consideration. In our community, what is considered the more modern community (which I have my own thoughts about), it’s one big happy family. A 1 year old learns that his next door neighbor is Jeanie and her husband is Chaim (cute couple).
Some of my grandchildren who are adults only know to refer to their parents’ friends as “Mr.” and “Mrs.” Their children are being taught similarly. I am not sure how many children today stand when their parents or grandparents walk into a room. Sometimes I feel awkward that they feel the need to do this and then I think of the honor which they are showing to me and the example which they are teaching to their children. I wonder in the local schools if the class stands upon the entrance of a teacher. I have no idea.
One of the things I find most amusing now is that at a wedding it has become natural to stand for almost everyone who walks down the aisle. Why would we stand for them when they walk down the aisle and not when they walk into a room? Life has so many paradoxes. What we say and what we listen to and watch in front of our children sets the path for what they grow up believing is the norm. It has to be really difficult to channel what they do in the right direction. If listening to the president of the United States is something which we need to monitor carefully in our families, how much more time and effort must be put into each family speaking to each other with respect and kindness. There are ways to express unhappiness, but certainly when it is between husbands and wives it must be done in private. When one is in a situation where a discussion is taking place that is uncomfortable, everyone has the right to excuse themselves and maybe are obligated to. The way we teach our children and our neighbors and friends proper dialogue is totally through example. It is not easy to do the right thing but its benefits will last for years to come.
Nina Glick, formerly of Montreal, resides in Bergenfield and welcomes your comments and ideas. She can be reached at nina@jewishlinknj.com
