I have a very vivid memory of being 13 years old and being extremely anxious about the bus. I was returning to a camp where I was in one of the older “teen” bunks and my biggest concern was not about peers and making friends, the activities or the counselors. I was purely focused on where the bus was going to pick me up. I lived right by a corner and the information we got stated that I’d be picked up at said corner. My worry? Which corner—there are four to choose from! What if the bus comes and I’m at the wrong corner and it doesn’t see me and leaves?

To cope, I reached out to my older friend who was the bus counselor to confirm the direction so that I could be on exactly the right corner at the right time. Never mind that some kids are not even outside and ready, and the bus (at the time) would still wait. And never mind that I could have literally just waved and crossed the street. No, my anxiety got the best of me.

In college I would triple-check where my classes were located, get there early, and then also ask other students if I was in the right room. As if my arriving at the wrong class would provide an ill fate for my entire semester. This is similar to what happens when I fly. Once I’m on the plane, no problem. But the airport—oh my worries unpack and they get very comfortable there. The security lines, TSA, getting to the gate—I must check my bag multiple times to be sure my passport has not left its cozy spot where it is literally wedged between items, unable to escape.

Because this is how I cope with transitions. My brain worries less about the actual big situation—like if I would have liked camp, been interested in the class, or about how the trip will go. Instead I latch on to the preparation phase because in some ways if the prep goes well, then my mind believes it is more likely the actual process will go well. Moreover, I cannot possibly imagine how the actual events will go but I can easily visualize the bus, classroom or security lines.

We all cope with adjustments differently. Some of us may experience more active symptoms of anxiety and some may feel more run-of-the-mill jitters. What I think we don’t do often enough is actually speak about and normalize how tough adjustments can be. We all encounter them—we actually experience micro-adjustments regularly, our lives changing ever so slightly. But for so many people there is a preference for the predictability that life can offer. We want to know what to expect—this gives us a false sense of control. We want to know, before entering a new experience, how it will go. Gone is a sense of wonder or curiosity about the excitement that could be offered and instead for so many is a fear and worry.

I think of all the individuals beginning a new grade, going away to Israel for a gap year, starting college and then of non-September specific changes such as new familial roles or jobs. Adjustments can be extremely nerve-racking, especially when this includes starting an entire new chapter in a new place. And yet, we can be extremely resilient. I don’t want to suggest that any transition must mean anxiety or difficulty. I’d like instead to offer the reminder that for those who experience fear that this is completely understandable. Whether you focus on the details leading up to the event or find yourself in a loop visualizing your future and absorbed by feelings of anxiety, you are not alone. Yes, change can be a big deal. And still, do not forget about your own strengths.

Sometimes we comprehensively plan (ahem, ahem—that’s me!) as a means of coping. Sometimes we avoid everything until the day of. For others, visualizing a “worst-case” scenario can be helpful to show oneself that even the realistic “worst” situation can be managed. Above all, what we must remember is that life can cause discomfort, and for many people this includes change. But what I caution you against is missing out on the moments of said change; instead of focusing on grand all-or-nothing thinking, try to stay within the present to truly be a part of the transition in your life. Does this make it easier? Perhaps for some. But the goal is not really about making it easy; the goal is about living. We work so hard to avoid discomfort, believing we cannot handle it but we absolutely can and when we do, we get to experience all that life offers.

So as you approach any change or move through a recent adjustment please remember you aren’t alone. Prepare in a way that will be helpful for you, and try to hold in your mind the importance of soaking up your experiences—the nerves, the butterflies or excitement. Because this means you’re living.

Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. Zucker is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.