One of the biggest mistakes people make is believing that we are all like one another. There’s a trend on social media of influencers showing what they eat in a day with the promise that if you eat just as they do, you’ll also look just as they do. We believe that we’re just like those individuals; the same habits, DNA, patterns,and background. It feels like a simple “copy and paste situation” — it makes it seem easy.
Then there’s also the all-or-nothing aspect of this mistake; we tend not to pause to consider all the contributing factors toward that person’s appearance. We ignore the finances that may have been invested in cosmetic procedures, the airbrushing and editing, the genetics, and movement.
We also fully believe these individuals, as if this is their regular daily diet and do not pause to wonder what might have been withheld. And then the video accomplishes its intention: it causes shame.
People view these TikTok videos or Instagram reels and leave feeling as if they’re doing something wrong, as if their appearance in comparison is bad. They wonder, “why can’t I look like that?” and then may be determined to look like that, investing in products with no known evidence to be effective. The glamorization of the thin ideal leads typically logical individuals with strong values to throw these values out the window, prioritizing a clothing size or reflection in the mirror. It can feel innocent; “I don’t have a problem, I just know I’ll feel better about myself if I look this way!” And yet, the person becomes preoccupied, creating new and imposing rules, thinking about the intersection of food and social life or situations.
Maybe it doesn’t turn into a full-fledged eating disorder; maybe we’re just describing someone on a diet. But we are still describing someone who believes that self-worth will be impacted by appearance. Because of societal pressures, because of ingrained messages, because of individuals in that person’s life. The belief that “I will like myself better” is present.
And I can guarantee, you won’t. You might like how you look better — a judgment that has been influenced over the years, one that was not present when you were born. You might feel more confident in certain clothes or situations based on what society deems “flattering.” But you will not like yourself, at your core, better. Because what you look like is not who you are. And because you will likely end up dieting in a yo-yo fashion or experience intense pressure to maintain that weight loss, you may blame yourself rather than the diet which has been built — as research shows — to fail you.
And it is also likely, reader, that you will inevitably struggle with some type of compulsive eating or binging. Because that is what follows restriction. It’s physiological and typically unavoidable. We deprive, we avoid, we write stories in our mind about what we “should eat.” This creates a binary mentality, dividing food into good or bad categories, healthy or unhealthy, junky or good for you. And that “other” category likely includes food you enjoy. So at some point you may eat this food, perhaps in a mindless way. Or maybe this is planned, a so-called “cheat” day. And then there’s that notion of “I’ll get back on the horse, I’ll start the diet tomorrow.”
People do not realize that deprivation leads to a confused, compulsive and unhealthy relationship with food. We cannot assess our true hunger/fullness on the heels of deprivation.
There is an alternative. There is hope for a different way of living. Imagine if you could learn to feed yourself without intense rules that directly tie to your self-worth. Imagine if you could feel better about who you are and learn to let go of body judgments, creating a healthier environment for you and those around you.
It’s possible. It isn’t easy. This requires untangling so many layers including what body image means to you, where your patterns were born, what might make you so committed to the dieting cycles despite their lack of success, and deeper psychological factors that relate to how you view yourself. Yes, it’s much easier to watch a TikTok and think, “this is all I need!” but I can assure you, this is not going to last. Or even work. You can instead grow your relationship with yourself; the first step is admitting the ways your behaviors are not working for you and to consider the hope of what could be. I don’t pretend it’s simple but I can tell you that you, dear reader, are worth it.
Temimah Zucker, LCSW works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.
