Bereishit 24:64

Reuben: Nu, so how was the date?

Jonah: Actually, I think it went rather well, if I do say so myself.

Reuben: Really! I haven’t heard you say that in a long time.

Jonah: Well, this girl is special. I think I really like her.

Reuben: Wow! So tell me about it.

J: We met at the restaurant. She was fashionably late, about 10 minutes, and she looked a bit frazzled when she first came in, but she settled down after we got to our table. That is, after the commotion.

R: What do you mean?

J: The waiter had to come over and clean the table again, but once it was straightened out, everything was fine.

R: What are you talking about?

J: Well, when we sat down she kind of jostled the table and it made a bit of a mess.

R: Jostled the table?

J: O.K., so she ran into it pretty hard getting into her seat, and both glasses of water on the table kind of overturned. But once that was cleaned up, it was fine.

R: O.K. So what’s she like?

J: She’s smart. She’s a Barnard graduate and she’s studying psychology at Ferkauf.

R: Nice. How was the meal?

J: It was O.K. The cuisine was pretty standard, but not enough napkins.

R: How so?

J: Well, she had the Spaghetti Napolitano, and as she slurped her pasta, it kind of got all over her face, and a bit on her sweater—which was really pretty—I think it was cashmere.

R: Uh-huh.

J: We used up all the napkins on the table, and finally she went to the restroom to get reinforcements.

R: Oy.

J: No, it was no big deal. Besides, if she hadn’t gone to the ladies’ room, I wouldn’t have found the sock.

R: The sock?

J: Yeah. There was a sock stuck to the back of her sweater. I think it was a static thing, from the laundry. Pink argyle, I believe.

R: Oh, brother.

J: What?

R: Was she embarrassed?

J: Why? These things happen. She took it in stride. I think the tumble on the way back to the table was a bit awkward, though.

R: The tumble?

J: Yeah, she collided with the busboy. I think she was looking at the restaurant’s funky chandelier and just didn’t see him coming. It is an interesting chandelier, you know. It has orange glass—

R: What happened with the busboy?

J: He was carrying a tray of dirty dishes, and when they made contact, the tray went flying. It was quite a scene.

R: Oh, man.

J: It wasn’t so bad. Everyone yelled “Mazel tov!” when all the dishes shattered. It was all good fun. I think the service at the restaurant was excellent. They cleaned up the whole mess in no time. And I think the whole thing was a really good omen.

R: I know I’m going to hate myself for asking this, but how so?

J: Well, I met this wonderful girl, and in the middle of dinner, everyone shouts mazel tov. That has to be a sign, wouldn’t you say?

R: Jonah, can I ask you a question?

J: Sure, shoot.

R: I don’t get it. She spills the water, she has the table manners of a hamster, she has a sock stuck to her back—not a great fashion statement, and she takes down the busboy like a defensive lineman. How was this a good date?

J: Well, first of all, she has a wonderful personality. She’s bright and she’s funny. She’s read Proust and T.C. Boyle, and she loves Nechama Leibowitz. What’s not to like?

R: How about all the things you just told me about the date? I’ve seen “The Three Stooges” movies with less pratfalls.

J: Well, to me she’s just like Rivka Imeinu, Rebecca our foremother.

R: O.K., this I’ve got to hear.

J: When Rivka sees Yitzchak, her betrothed, in the distance for the first time, what does she do? The parsha says “Vatisa Rivka et einah, vateireh et Yitzchak, vatipol mei’al hagamal—And Rebecca raised her eyes and saw Isaac, and she fell from her camel.” Clearly Rivka was not the world’s most coordinated woman, either.

R: Jonah, I don’t think the Torah is suggesting that Rebecca actually fell off her camel in the sense that you mean. I think the Torah means that she dismounted quickly. I think it was a reflection of her great modesty.

J: Fine. You interpret it your way, I’ll interpret it mine. If you ask me, Rebecca was a saintly, nurturing, modest, generous, caring klutz.

R: Well, I guess that’s one way to look at it.

J: And my date? She shares many of the qualities of Rivka Imeinu.

R: And that’s why you like her?

J: Well, she’s very sweet, and besides, she reminds me of my mother.

R: Please say no more.

By Larry Stiefel

 Larry Stiefel is a pediatrician at Tenafly Pediatrics.