I really, really try not to engage in debates online. I’ve found that more often than not, people are really not open to hearing others’ opinions, and all this does is lead to anger and frustration for me. But recently, I simply could not sit back. I was scrolling through a social media platform after posting on said platform in a therapist listserv, and saw a celebrity news piece with photos of one singer in a before-and-after style manner. The caption was about how much she has changed since starting weight-loss injection medication. The sub-caption read something like, “Some people can’t just stick to diet and exercise to lose weight in a healthy way!” And I was livid.

I could not hold back or keep scrolling. So while I know my earlier point still stands, I decided to post because so much of my work is built around the misconception being stated. I wrote, “This caption is misleading because it implies that if everyone just dieted and exercised we’d all look the same.” I went on to note that we all have different genetic makeup and also that 95% of diets fail. As expected, people commented that I have no idea what I’m talking about. So I cited the incredible book “Anti-Diet” by Christy Harrison, which includes scientific research about dieting, and noted that this is not my personal opinion but based on my professional work. Do I think that made much of a difference? No. Sadly, no. But I also know that 22 people liked my comment so maybe even giving sources to those individuals was helpful or maybe one curious person is going to check out this book.

There is so much wrong with that “news” site posting the photo. First of all, it places a judgment about anyone’s appearance. I always found it ironic that there is a negative connotation when some celebrities lose weight along the lines of, “Doesn’t she know when to stop, she was so beautiful before this!” And then other times the same commentary judges people in a bigger body. It is as if there’s this tiny window where no judgments will be made, when someone has “achieved perfection.”

And this is a dominant reason people struggle with eating disorders and self-loathing. Because we live in a world that promotes a thin ideal—and one that is very specific. We live in a world with a billion-dollar diet industry that is built to fail but instead of rejecting the diet, people reject themselves. No one should be posting before/after photos. Ever. All it does is send the message that one version of oneself is better, when in reality someone’s worth has absolutely nothing to do with a before or after or pants size.

Furthermore, this photo and caption imply that the celebrity did not try hard enough to just diet and exercise. But that ignores the 95% statistic listed above. All of those TikTok videos that showed what people eat in a day tend to make people believe, “If I eat like that I’ll look like her.” But you won’t. Because of genetic makeup and metabolism and stress and the fundamental truth that our bodies are simply not the same. So no, it is not simply that this or any celebrity individual just isn’t trying hard enough. That is blaming and judgmental and simply based on a fallacy. Instead we must remember that size does not determine worth and we cannot base our understanding of another based on what someone looks like. Nor can we judge their health, eating, or exercise habits based on size. You simply don’t know.

We started making headway with regard to weight inclusivity and body acceptance. People felt tired of yo-yo dieting and constantly feeling terrible about themselves. Many still do. Unfortunately weight loss injections changed this for some. “Why try to accept myself more deeply, challenge maladaptive behaviors or really try to repair my connection to myself if I can just have this drug?” Drugs that have little research, negative side effects, and also do not allow an individual to connect, accept, grow, or heal. You can live a fuller life without that voice in your head, without the medication or the diet or the exercise. You can find a way to eat intuitively and not view food or your body as an enemy.

Let us take away the following lessons: Do not comment on others’ bodies; recognize the pressure set up by diet culture to look a very particular way; know that diet and exercise do not yield the same results for all people; and remember that you can have a better relationship with yourself. Yes, it requires hard work. But you, dear reader, are worth it.

Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.