Our parsha explicitly records the death of Devorah, the wet nurse of Rivka, as it states, “Devorah, the wet nurse of Rivka, died, and she was buried below Beit-el below the plateau; and he named it Alon-Bachut.” The midrash (Bereishit Rabbah 81:5) teaches: “In the Greek language, alon means ‘another.’”[This alludes that] while [Yaakov] was yet observing the mourning period for Devorah, he received a report that his mother had died.”
The word bachut comes from the word which means “weeping,” and thus, based on this midrash, the name Alon-Bachut would seem to mean, “another (alon) weeping (i.e., mourning).” What emerges is that Yaakov wept and mourned not just over the death of his mother Rivka, but also—and initially even—for another person’s death, namely, Devorah’s.
The question is, why is Rivka’s death not mentioned explicitly, but only alluded to? The midrash (Tanchuma, Ki Teitzei 4) explains that when Rivka died, her burial took place at night, and therefore, since her burial was concealed, the Torah did not explicitly mention her death but only indirectly.
Rav Elya Svei suggests another explanation to the question, from which, as he remarks, emerges a great foundational idea. He seems to suggest as follows: The Torah explicitly mentioned Devorah’s death, because it wanted to highlight that Yaakov Avinu wept over her death, despite the fact that Devorah was not his mother or related to him; nevertheless, he cried over her because she was an upright person. If theoretically the Torah had also explicitly mentioned Rivka’s death, then while we would have understood that Yaakov wept over his mother, we wouldn’t have realized that Yaakov wept over Devorah. Therefore, the Torah hid Rivka’s death to emphasize and teach us that Yaakov cried also over Devorah’s death.
Weeping over one’s mother is like weeping for oneself. However, when one weeps for an unrelated and upright person, his tears are other-centered, for the sake of that person. This latter weeping is an act of joining in the pain of others. Thus, the Torah hid the weeping of Yaakov over his mother and highlighted his weeping over Devorah, to teach us that our weeping should be mainly for the distress and pain that others are enduring (Ruach Eliyahu, Vayishlach, Maamer 35).
To shed tears over the pain of others is a level of empathy that the greats of our nation have exemplified. The story goes of Rav Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman who traveled to Novardok to learn there, and since he was passing by Radin on the way, he decided to stop off and receive a blessing from the Chafetz Chaim who lived there. He entered the Chafetz Chaim’s home, and the rebbetzin told him that the Chafetz Chaim would arrive shortly. While Rav Kahaneman was waiting, all of a sudden, he heard someone wailing tremendously. The sounds of deep, heart-felt pleading and beseeching, engulfed and suffocated by all the powerful sobs and cries, were of such magnitude that Rav Kaheneman was frightened and quite concerned. He approached the rebbetzin to find out what occurred. The rebbetzin told him not to be afraid, and explained that there is a woman here who is having a difficult labor, and he is praying for her.
(From that experience, Rav Kahaneman decided to stay in Radin and learn with the Chafetz Chaim. He explained that if the Chafetz Chaim is able to pray like that—with such crying and wailing—for a stranger whom he does not know at all, then he wants to stay and be his student).
We can perhaps learn a level of empathy to strive for, where the degree of our joining in the pain and sufferings of others becomes so profound and personal that we naturally come to shed tears over their plight.
Binyamin is a graduate of Yeshivas Rabbeinu Yitzchak Elchanan, and Wurzweiler School of Social Work.
