Freud, in his seminal work Civilization and its Discontents, speaks to man’s eternal struggle between his narcissistic instinct for self-development and his social/altruistic need to join a civilization, connect with, and do for others. Over the years, classical Freudian theory has evolved to include the importance of object relations in the healthy development of the psyche; however, Freud still believed that the suppression of natural instincts, which occurs when an individual joins a society, is the main culprit in the unhappiness, guilt, shame, anxiety, fear of punishment, and eventual full-blown neuroses with which mankind struggles. It has taken years for psychological theory and practice to catch up with the Torah’s understanding on how to help man effectively transition from the state of “healthy narcissism,” appropriate at early stages, to this desired balance between the two opposing forces.
From the time Hashem created Adom and Chavah, He understood that in the process of man’s self-development he will be led by his yetzer harah to believe that he is the master of his fate. It is for this very reason that Hashem charges mankind with expressing hakarat hatov and loving kindness to Hashem and his fellow man. Moreover, while man is expected to take pleasure from the very physical/material world gifted to him, at the same time he is charged with spiritually elevating all of his physical/material experiences and possessions. In Sefer Devorim, Moshe presents a recounting of the pivotal experiences, as well as the mitzvot, that offer the greatest opportunity for Bnei Yisroel to function as a unified nation.
On a very basic level, the sequence of mitzvot is explained by the truth: “mitzvah goreret mitzvah,” one mitzvah leads to another. Thus viewed, those who demonstrate sensitivity to a mother bird by sending her away before taking her nestlings, will be blessed with a family and the opportunity to build a house; these blessings will in turn provide him with the chance to perform the mitzvah of building a guardrail on his roof. Viewed from this lens, not only is the fulfillment of mitzvot rewarded with blessings, but blessings then become the source of further mitzvot.
The Rambam teaches that the mitzvah of building guardrails applies to all situations where potential danger is present. The Lubavitcher Rebbe deepens our understanding of the mitzvah by offering a metaphorical explanation to this mitzvah that specifically explains why it is presented in the form of a mandate to build a “fence” on a “roof.” He also demonstrates how this mitzvah extends beyond the practical and bears relevance to all the spiritual/emotional guardrails we meant to erect in our lives.
As our Torah teaches us, one reason for balancing spirituality with physicality is to caution man against the tendency to forget that Hashem is the source of all we are and all we possess. Thus, when we accumulate possessions, we may be tempted to think that we are masters of our fate and, as a result, develop the trait most abhorrent in the eyes of Hashem, that of “haughtiness.” Once man falls into the trap of “conceit,” or “narcissism,” he is then at further risk of losing his compassion even to the point of forgetting the physical and emotional needs and vulnerabilities of his fellow man. It is for this very reason that the example of “roof” and the “guardrail” is used as metaphor. According to the Rebbe, the “roof” is intended to represent the “high in the sky,” egotistic persona man may assume as a result of his material or intellectual success. Similarly, the guardrails reflect the “precautions” he must take and the “parameters” he must set against the danger of egotism.
We are at the cusp of leaving the month of Elul, which has been noted as an acronym for “Ani L’dodi, V’dodi Lih” (I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me). Let us remember the message of these beautiful words in Shir Hashirim and assess the status of our relationship with Hashem and our loved ones. As we transition to the month of Tishrei, a propitious time for teshuva and tikkun, let us direct the focus of our teshuva and apply the metaphor reflected in this mitzvah to our relationships with those we love and care about. As we accumulate the “stuff” we are so proud of, and grow materially, professionally, and spiritually, let us avoid the ills arising from the struggle between self-development and altruism that Freud spoke about. If we put up guardrails against our ego from the start, we will remember our obligations to Hashem and our fellow man. Most importantly, all of these efforts will surely help us win the fight against haughtiness, egotism, and narcissism and avoid the greatest danger of all, “falling off the roof,” by hurting others. And finally, as we move forward in this relationship journey, we will stand a better chance of always offering up the best and choicest of our time and presence rather than the tired, worn-out leftovers of our matter-clogged lives. This will surely find favor in the eyes of Hashem and those dear to our heart.
Renee Nussbaum is a practicing psychoanalyst with special training in Imago Relational Therapy. She facilitates a weekly Chevrusah in Cyberspace, edited by her friend Debbie Friedman. She can be reached at: doctorrenee nussbaum @gmail.com
By Renee Nussbaum Ph.D., PsyA
