July 20, 2024
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July 20, 2024
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Linking Northern and Central NJ, Bronx, Manhattan, Westchester and CT

People say I’m paranoid, but I’m not. I’m just perceptive. I notice things that other people miss. Then I combine what I notice with other things that I’ve noticed, and the next thing you know I have a theory. Call it a conspiracy theory if it makes you happy. I just think I’m more observant than most. And just because people think I’m paranoid, it doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

When I came to school today, I didn’t suspect anything was amiss. It was just a regular day. But in Chumash class, things started to get a little hinky. I noticed it almost right away.

Mrs. Weingarten started talking about parshat hashavuah, this week’s Torah portion, which happens to be Tetzaveh. She gave a dvar torah about how someone’s name was not mentioned in the parsha even once. His brother Aharon was mentioned, many times, but he wasn’t.

I didn’t think much about it at first, but then I noticed that Mrs. Weingarten wasn’t using his name either. She kept saying, “You know who,” when she spoke of him. That started to get me thinking a bit, but I really didn’t become worried until she actually said, and I quote: “One has to wonder why He Who Was Not Named in This Week’s Parsha wasn’t named in this week’s parsha.”

Well, there you have it!

The next thing I knew, no one else was using his name either. My classmates were saying things like “The reason Miriam’s brother isn’t mentioned in this week’s parsha is because after the sin of the golden calf he said: “Ve-ata im tisa chatatam, ve-im ayin micheini na misifrecha asher katavta,/And now if you would please forgive their sin, but if not then erase me now from the book that you have written.” So Hashem took his name out of this week’s parsha because he asked to have his name erased from the Torah if Israel wasn’t forgiven. It is a sign of Yocheved’s son’s selflessness.”*

Very fishy.

Another girl said, ”The reason the greatest navi of all isn’t in Tetzaveh is because the parsha is all about being a kohen, a priest, and he wanted to give respect to his brother Aharon, the Kohen Gadol, by stepping aside for the whole parsha and letting him be the star. The son of Amram was a very modest man.”**

Very suspicious.

Perhaps you should be asking yourself a more important question: Who else never has his name mentioned? Who else remains anonymous throughout his story? Dare I say it?

Clearly I am referring to “he who must not be named.” Do you get it? The descendant of Salazar Slytherin? The Dark Lord?

Yes, I must write it, no matter what the consequences. I’m speaking of… Voldemort.

I know you must think I’m crazy. Surely, there is no connection between the greatest lawgiver of all time, the man who helped free the Israelites from Egypt, the witness to the burning bush, a true tzaddik, and the leader of the Death Eaters, the scourge of all Muggles, Harry Potter’s nemesis, the epitome of evil? But am I really crazy? Neither is referred to by name. There must be some connection!

Personally, I have yet another theory for the mystery of the missing name in our parsha. I’m not sure, but I think that the real reason the son of Amram isn’t mentioned in Tetzaveh is because of the date when the parsha is usually read. It often falls out on the week of the 7th of Adar, traditionally the date when our greatest navi passed away. It is during this week that we note the loss of our greatest leader, and the absence of his name shows that loss.*** To me, that seems to make sense.

But that doesn’t explain the real mystery.

I still think there is some connection between he who is not mentioned in this parsha and he who must not be named. It just can’t be a coincidence. I just can’t put my finger on it. Maybe the reasoning is different, true good versus true evil, but you have to wonder.

I’m just saying…

*Ba’al Haturim on Shemot 27:20

** Midreshei Hatorah

*** Vilna Gaon as quoted by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, Covenant and Conversation, Exodus, page 219.

Larry Stiefel is a pediatrician at Tenafly Pediatrics and is apparently a very suspicious man.

By Larry Stiefel

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