“I can try….”

I hear this quite often. Whether from clients, my children or loved ones. It is the expression of the hope to achieve a goal and some of the time my response is, “That’s all I ask.”

But other times, my response may sound a bit more like Yoda; while I do not actually say “do or do not; there is no try,” I tend to make clear that trying might not cover it. When people set the goal to “try,” there can be every intention of doing so. Trying can feel safe. And also, typically just the idea of trying can feel like a battle. Think of someone who has been postponing an application, someone who needs to finish up a house-related task, or — as related to my line of work — someone who is working toward behavioral change. Accomplishing these goals may feel overwhelming for various underlying reasons and this can be even more complicated if someone struggles with executive functioning.

So trying sounds safe. And sometimes, the intention of trying, in someone’s mind, is enough to get the job done; the ball starts rolling and once the person can wrap her mind around the plan, it is more feasible.

But other times, trying just acts like a placeholder and does not bring the person any closer to accomplishing the goal. When I ask my daughter to be sure to throw out her garbage after breakfast and she replies with, “I’ll try,” we aren’t actually getting closer to instilling this as a habit or identifying the barriers.

So instead we can have a discussion: what’s getting in the way of throwing out that food wrapper? Sometimes she’s in a rush and other times she becomes distracted. And then there are the times that she simply doesn’t want to. We discuss why it is important for the garbage to be thrown away, and we discuss some ways to start changing behaviors. We come up with ideas together, such as throwing it away right when she finishes or, as a safeguard, doing so when she gets up from the table and before she leaves the room. Having an in-depth conversation and specific plan sets her up to actually accomplish the task, and there is a level of accountability involved.

In many ways, the antithesis of “just trying” is the SMART goal, developed in 1981 by Doran. I was first introduced to SMART goals when working at a treatment center and supporting clients in identifying weekly goals. A goal might be “reach out to friends more” and instead of stopping there, we would encourage folks to actually apply the SMART acronym: Specific, Measurable, Assignable/Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. (I’ve seen the A as Achievable, Attainable or Assignable.) Doran established this acronym in the context of businesses moving forward and when I’ve brought up SMART goals to clients now, many who work at startups or in businesses are well-versed.

When someone changes the goal “reach out more” into the SMART goal realm, there is a specific description of what is to be accomplished, a quantifiable aspect to the goal, a way to assign this or to be sure the goal feels doable, a recognition of whether it is too lofty for the current predicament, and a time frame. For instance, “text three friends by Wednesday evening at 9” is very different from “communicate more.”

“Throw out my garbage from breakfast immediately after eating” is still different from “try to throw away my garbage.” Yes, there may be more pressure and for some the leniency of trying is what feels best. I still recommend identifying what the SMART goal would be and if needed, give a few options or possibilities or even set a minimum or maximum range in terms of time to allow for some flexibility. “Throw out my garbage immediately after breakfast at least two times this week.”

So much of the time we feel bombarded and overwhelmed, and simply surviving is a major accomplishment. And yet, we still have obligations that we cannot push aside or we know that we have goals that will improve our lives or functioning. So if you are someone who knows that it is simply time to make headway — whether on a small or large scale — move beyond trying.

Ask yourself how you have tried thus far and what has gotten in your way? And make a little chart for yourself identifying this as a SMART goal. I fully applaud and recognize how hard it is to just try and I also believe it is possible to do more. You can do this.

Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.