Wow! Yet another exciting week at Camp Agudas Eizov! How surprising! With the Nine Days fast approaching (ouch), we really tried to pack in the activities this week:
Music
Early this week, we finally started teaching everyone the camp song!
It was raining.
Yes, Agudas Eizov has a song. There’s nothing like a song to bring the camp together in perfect harmony, at least until the next major war.
Swimming in Lost Items
For the time being, we will continue to swim at the Y, mostly due to our host school’s reluctance to put in a pool.
As explained in another note that we gave your kid that never made it home because we gave it out before swimming, after we hit the world record on the first day of camp for most items lost in a single day, we decided that from now on we’re changing into our bathing suits in camp, before lunch. And then eating lunch in our bathing suits, which are waterproof anyway, so that’s great for spills.
And Now for Sports!
Teams W L T Pct
Ketchup 8 2 0 0.80
Mustard 5 1 4 0.70
Mayonnaise 5 2 3 0.65
Pickle Relish 6 1 0 0.60
BBQ Sauce 4 4 2 0.50
Corn 3 6 1 0.35
These are the stats going into the finals. We had a few exciting playoff games this week, culminating in one last championship game on Friday between the Ketchups and the Mustards to see, one last time, who’s better at football/baseball/hockey/soccer/basketball/punchball/kickball/slapball/complaining about whatever sports we picked.
And the winner of that game was:
The __________!
Congratulations, ___________!
We knew you could do it!
(Please fill this in yourself, because we don’t actually know who did it. We write this thing on Thursdays.)
Old War Stories
This week we had Color War, in the age-old camp tradition of people going to war over what color outfit everyone’s wearing. It’s like a wedding. We decided to do it during the first half of the summer, because whenever anything ever goes wrong in camp, everyone starts yelling, “Color War Breakout!” and it does not help the situation. So we wanted to get it out of the way.
This war, as like many historical wars before it, was fought mainly through sports and swimming races.
The Teams
The teams were red and blue, of course, with red representing Torah and blue representing Tefillah.
The way to remember is to tell yourself:“I red the Torah.” “The chazzan just blue through Shacharis.”
We Put the Col in Color War!
The first activity of Color War was a debate, expressed in repetitive chants, during which several good points were raised. Team Red gave the age-old argument that red was hot and ready to roll. They kept expressing this point the entire week, sometimes just to fill the silences. Meanwhile, Blue gave the counterargument that B-L-U-E would go “all the way to victory,” which is sound logic if we ever heard it.
Relay Races
Tuesday was all about the traditional Color War races—running, hopping, walking in a pool with an egg balanced on a spoon—just like they did in the Hundred Years’ War!
Colorful Skits
Wednesday was a day of skits. Color War skits are a grand tradition, dating back to the American Revolution between England (red, Torah) and America (blue, Tefillah).
We also had something called an “Achdus Play,” which is a major timesaver, in which staff from both teams act in one play that encompasses both themes. An Achdus Play! Like in the Civil War.
The play, in the tradition of all camp plays, was of course about a guy who becomes frum at the end. Also, there’s a king who has a son, and the son needs a job, and all he has is half a necklace. And someone has to learn how to daven Shemoneh Esrei without falling.
A Bowl of Torah
On Thursday morning, both teams competed in a Torah Bowl—a Torah-knowledge competition hosted by the rebbeim. This was exactly what they did in the Korean War, which, historians agree, was about 50% Torah Bowl.
In the end, the Red Team won the Torah Bowl. But in retrospect, of course they did. They’re the team of Torah. Who did we think would win a Torah Bowl? That would be like calling the teams Aish and Mayim and then having a water fight.
Color War Winner!
Color War ended on Thursday amid cheers and excitement when Red beat Blue with a score of 2294-2189, just like in the War of 1812-1813, when 1813 won.
At that point, red once again announced, in song, that they were ready to roll.
Brick by Brick!
This Tuesday, Bunks Alef and Beis will be going to LegoLand! Legoland is an indoor amusement park/play area featuring rides, a factory tour, a climbing area and more Lego pieces than you’ve ever seen in your life! Wear shoes.
There’s Another Session?!
Session II of camp begins this Monday. So act accordingly, we guess. Take whatever steps you would take. We just thought you should know. Also, we’re going to be getting a few new boys in the camp! (Well, new to us.) So we’re very excited.
If you signed your son up for only the first half of the summer, and you’re like, “Hey, you know what? He’s been having fun, and he hasn’t sustained any major injuries yet, despite all the waivers!” why not sign him up for a second half and press your luck!
We’ll try not to break out any more wars.
By Mordechai Schmutter
Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance writer and a humor columnist for Hamodia and other magazines. He also has six books out and does stand-up comedy. You can contact him at [email protected].
